So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
