how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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