Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
