If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
