True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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