Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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