There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
