tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
