oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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