I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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