I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
