I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You have to summon your inner elephant
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!