ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.