The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!