That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.