so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle