**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.