everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."