i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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