My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
