OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
