i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You made out with two different species that night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
