wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
