i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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