can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
