I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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