When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
