the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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