What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
