can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
