So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
