the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
