No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
