Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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