Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
