Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
