No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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