I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
