made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
