I wish I could teleport
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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