What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
