did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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