I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
