If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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