I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
