Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
