Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
