YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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