ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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