My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
