I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
