Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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