meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
