Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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