I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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