That's when you crack a 10am beer
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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