dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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