Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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