He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
