Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
