We're facebook friends in real life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
