Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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