the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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