with your own penis?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
