Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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