a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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