Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
NoShamevember. You game?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want nice things and good sex
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
