Small penises have feelings too.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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