i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
