The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize