I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
