I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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