i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
