sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
