The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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