When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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