just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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