Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
