Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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